The Car That Will Change Your Life

I know this looks like a car for Big Bird and his lover, but this yellow baby reduces carbon emissions by 90%, gets a ridiculous amount of MPG, and all from just plugging it in. It's called the eVaro. BTW, is every product that is eco-friendly going to have an "e" at the front of it? I hope one day we have the freedom to just know that everything is eco-friendly, instead of having to nail it into our heads with a baseball bat... or shall I say an "ebaseball bat." Anywhosers, it will be a trip to see everyone in a few years driving the eVaro around, looking like mutated bumble bees. Maybe if the orginal yellow Power Ranger hadn't been a sabertooth tiger, she could have been a bumble bee and this could have been her car. Oops, there go my Power Ranger fantasies again.

Diamond Encrusted Cat Flap

Yessss, so if you feed your cat filet mignon, it poops gold, and drinks tea with the queen, this is obviously the next step to take for your feline friend. But do remember folks, whether you dress the cat flap up with pink or blue diamonds: cats will always pee in a box... PEE IN A BOX.

Diamond Encrusted Toilet

Check out this diamond encrusted toilet! It's designed by Jemal Wright. Perfect if you're a pirate and prefer to pee on burried treasure instead of spend it. Yup, when we’ve eaten too many chocolate covered Doritos or sausage filled doughnuts, sitting on this baby will at least make it seem like something awesome is about to happen…

Green Vodka

That's right, if you want to help the earth, but still have the desire to scream inappropriate slurs, puke on a pool table, and tickle a statue thinking it's a human, than you're in luck: Square One Organic Vodka. Thank god, I was pretty scared there for a second. What would I do without my gutso booster--impress people with my natural charm? PAH-lease.

But really, not a bad idea for a nice martini. Try out some organic vodka in one of these cocktail recipies.

So, you may ask, "What is green and isn't green about this?"

I guess it just depends on if the product is natural... or made of silicon.

I wonder if instead of 'organ-donar,' I can put 'tit-donar' on my liscense, just so this place can stay in business. I mean, being green is all about helping small and local businesses.

Does a woman come attached to the sandwich? Instead of a Happy Meal toy, you actually get the rest of the woman. I guess that's saving on waste...

But more importantly, is the sandwich-bread organic?

(Photo by me)

Green Imaginary Friends

Alright, I've been MIA for the past few days because I'm still trying to get used to blogging every day without neglecting my real job, or working on some creative writing, but I'll get there, don't you worry. And by you, I mean, my imaginary friends that were created just to read this blog. Imaginary friends made with the most natural and enviornmentally askewed dreams possible. No chemicals here, just pure imagination. Which is all the green movement needs to be successful.

(Photo by me)

Organic Hot Pocket

Organic Hot Pockets?
Is there even such a thing? As of right now, no, but for those of you who want to seem healthy and environmentally conscious, yet still desire the taste of regurgitated dog food, then organic has to be the next step in the Hot Pocket franchise.


One good thing about the green-movement is that it’s making me second-guess what I put inside of my body (stay away from the naughty jokes). Is there is anything more questionable than the Hot Pocket? So much mystery goes into the process of making a Hot Pocket that someone could probably write a Da Vinci Code type novel to figure out the truth (what a movie that would be, yea, B). It’s so far from organic that I wouldn’t be surprised if it was made of meat-flavored rubber, and cheese made from the same process as “slime” on Nickelodeon game shows. It’d be a pretty HUGE statement if Hot Pocket came out with something organic. If Hot Pocket can go green, than there is no excuse for the rest of us.

I challenge you Hot Pockets: go organic and watch the world follow!


If you want to hear some kick-ass Hot Pocket jokes, check out the comedian Jim Gaffigan. HILARIOUS. Here's a video from Youtube.com: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J9c9lAfXQHs

Green Llama Transportation

So you want classy, eco-friendly transportation for your green wedding? Try this...

http://www.llama.asn.au/gallery.asp


*Llama also comes with an all natural shoe spit-shine for all of the groomsmen and free llama’s milk to mix with your favorite drink at the reception. Enjoy your green wedding!

Green Soap Opera and Bikes

(photo by me)

Now bikes, those are green! Good for your health and fitness and no pollution-- pretty freakin' ideal if you live in a city. Just be careful of the idiots who don’t pay attention to the BIG huge red hand on the crosswalks. I guess I was wrong to think that it means STOP, because it obviously means, “Come, run this way right now and give me a high-five!”

But riding a bike does make it a bit harder to pick up hitch-hikers(bummer), because I know so many people are into that kind of thing, but it could still make for an interesting ride (there's still hope, all you creepies out there!).

I’m definitely guilty of taking the easy way to get somewhere. I can see 7-11 from my house, but instead of walking or riding my bike, somehow my brain says, “You know you wanna drive!” And what am I supposed to do? Ignore my brain and listen to my heart? No way, that sounds like the crappiest green soap opera ever.

Hmm are green soap operas the way of the future?

“Yolanda… I, I have something to confess.”
“Francisco, what is it mi amor? Tell me, tell me now!”
“I… I left the kitchen light on all night.” Francisco falls to his knees, “Please, Please forgive me!”
Yolanda slaps Francisco, “How could you!” She rubs her pregnant belly, “You know the pollution from the extra light rays will kill my unborn child!”

I can't wait.

Whatever, I vow to you, yes you, that next time I shall walk to 7-11. But for the mean time, check out these two cool dudes riding around the streets of London. I hope that bike wasn’t stolen, damn hooligans!

3 Not so very green dudes

As I venture on my quest for a greener life, I can’t help but think, "who’s green and who isn’t?"

Is Batman green? Half the time he soars through the city with the support of his own cape: very green. BUT, he also drives a car at beyond maximum speeds, burning so much fuel that it basically subtracts from his green soaring. Dang-it. At least he saves the planet in one way, by kicking the dastardly butts of villains, which is more than most of us have to offer.

Is Lil Wayne green? He does travel in a limo with a hoard of people, I guess that’s kind of car-pooling. All I have to say is, thank god people can download music now, because if they had to buy a physical copy of his rock album, there’d definitely be a lot of extra waste lying around.

I’m pretty sure Hitler wasn’t green. If Batman isn't green, Hitler definitely isnt' green. Anyone who wastes that much fuel and money and not to mention human souls, CAN’T be green.

Green, Do We Really Have a Choice?

Okay, okay, I surrender!

I swear grandma, I can still make you proud by going green.

There's one problem: I don't know what the snazzlepuffs I'm doing when it comes to green-living!

I pretty much look like this dude. Okay, so I may not have a hairy face like this man, but my face sure-as hell expresses a sense of SOL. I, like many people, am searching for more ways to save and conserve through this economic-crisis (and beyond) while still attempting to have a good time. And it looks like one of the ways to to do so is to think green. Now I'm not talking about everything green, like boogars, you can still keep those to yourself, thanks.

I've always been somewhat aware of the environment (okay, so some people accuse me of living in my own, far-off little world), but seeing as I recently started working for a green magazine/website, my income and apparently my life now depends on being green-savy. I think thousands of people are scared to go green because they aren't ready to make adjustments; we blow this idea completely out of proporation; kind of like the way many people deal with their diets:

"Hey Bill, I thought you were on a diet?"
"Yea, well, if I eat one donut I might as well eat all of them."

"Hey Bill, what's with the beard?"
"Oh, I started recycling, and if I'm going to recycle that means I have to move to a farm where there are only candles for light, and a windmill for minimal energy. I never learned how to shave without an electric razor, so now I'm screwed."

Green does not have to be that extreme! And I'm so guilty of thinking that way.

Okay, stay with me... this blog isn't going to be perfect green. It's more greenish. I'm not what you call a green-freak, or a tree-hugger (I have hugged a tree before, but for my own special reasons, we can get into that another time though). This blog will chronicle my life as I attempt to make slight green adjustments to my everyday life. It might be a mess... it might get a bit off target at times... but I hope that my struggle can be your gain, your laughter, your entertainment... and dare I say it, provide a bit of inspiration. Like all aspects of life, green-living has its points to poke fun at. Yes, it's time to take green seriously, but where would we all be if we didn't have entertainment to keep us sane; if we couldn't come home from work and watch our favorite TV show, read our favorite book, or tell our favorite jokes? Hopefully, this is a nice balance. Even green living can be funny, beautiful, and a whole lot of inbetween. So here is my attempt at what simply has to be.

(Photo by me)